ANTHONY TROTT

R.I.P. Oreo?

2011-11-12T08:00:00.001-05:00

Oreo
The Dog Nobody Ever Even Met
??/??/?? - 11/13/09

So, tomorrow (11/13/11) marks the 2 year death of a dog named Oreo. She was killed for no reason by the ASPCA 11/13/09. And so of course, with all the news which had surrounded her from being thrown off a 6 story building to the ASPCA killing her despite a well-qualified shelter begging to take her in, it seems Oreo's become a Martyr for "No-Kill".

Around this time of the year, animal groups REALLY push her story to help spread the word about their cause. Oreo is used all over as an example of why we need No-Kill and shelter reform. Hell, I'm guilty of it.

One thing that bothers me about this though is, Oreo was just another dog. She had a life. She was incredibly abused in ways you would not believe. And soon after she was "rescued" the ASPCA decided to kill her themselves. Oreo didn't ASK to be a Martyr. Oreo wasn't out there on the front lines fighting for freedoms or anything. Oreo wasn't on a mission. (Of course, this is all just practical speculation. Maybe she was. I'm not a dog, and I never personally spoke with her about these matters.)

Point is, I feel like Oreo keeps getting FURTHER abused and exploited. It feels like animal groups and shelters and rescues and whatever...use her life and name to push their agenda (even if it may be for a good cause). We keep on using her year after year, not allowing this poor soul to rest. We keep resurrecting her time and time again, disturbing her death all in the name of a cause she likely never even knew existed.

What the ASPCA did was wrong and it should haunt the organization. This type of thing that happened to Oreo is more common than most would ever like to imagine. THOUSANDS of dogs each day share in Oreo's story. They come from severe abuse, are "rescued" and shortly after they just killed for no valid reason. But we keep on feeding off Oreo's death like some starving fat guy at a cheap all-you-can-eat buffet.

I understand the need to put a face on the abused. I understand we can't just ignore what happened and let organizations like the ASPCA constantly get away with murder. But, is it ok to continue to exploit Oreo year after year in the name of No-Kill and shelter reform? Is it ok to continually use this dog, whom just about nobody ever even met, for our own agenda and cause? Is this the Martyr we keep shouting out, even when so many others die each day without a voice to their name? Or is it disrespectful of the dead?

So Lazy

2011-11-10T20:00:00.005-05:00

OMG! I'm SO lazy about blogging! Actually, I'm lazy about a ton of stuff, but still! I keep on telling myself in my head that it's gotta be this polished little gem or whatever and it's gotta be this piece that's whatever. Omg! Talk about getting in my own way! *sigh* Excuses, excuses.

Still sluggin' along on the Pet Portraits. Just finished another one a few days ago. Still gotta photograph her. Got a BUNCH more to paint still, which is cool. Glad people enjoy them enough to actually want one. I gotta be more disciplined in painting them. Gotta catch up on the orders.

I've started up a new project - No-Kill United. It's pretty cool. Just takin' it at my leisure for now. Just some No-Kill propaganda graphics for now that I've been creating. Maybe someday it will turn into something more.

Lots of projects swimming around in my head. I gotta just start pushing this stuff out.

I'm Getting Older

2011-09-13T08:30:00.002-04:00

Seasons change, as do names and faces
But I'm still stuck right here, getting older
As time passes by, the end is ever nigh

All Cats Love Andy Warhol

2011-08-03T17:00:00.005-04:00

I bought a new water dish for my frog today DOES IT UPSET YOU MY LIFE HAS MOVED FORWARD WITHOUT YOU!?! DOES IT STILL STING WHEN YOU PEE OR THINK ABOUT MY PAST DEVOTION TO PINBALL!?! YOUR SKIN COULD NEVER EXPERIENCE THE SENSUAL CARESS THAT IS MY LONGING TOUCH THE LIKES OF WHICH THOSE FLIPPERS HAVE SO OFTEN KNOWN!! Sitting alone on the couch watching your television I GOT THE HIGH SCORE AGAIN!! YOU DO NOT EXIST!!

PIN•BOT > U

And If It Concerns None

2011-02-19T23:00:00.000-05:00

And if it concerns none with which path we travel,
Do we still stick ourselves with the needle?
Or perhaps this is the reason why we choose to go.

A passing without audience.
Does it really matter, if nobody notices?
Would they?

We stick ourselves with the needle and thread
As others pass us by,
Unaware, consumed by their own painted blood.

We stick ourselves with needles,
Drawing pretty lines.
See mommy? This one smiles!...

We stick ourselves,
Scraping bloodied messes.
Passing out in the streets.
Why do I feel so cold?

Toffee Painting

2011-01-04T11:00:00.001-05:00

"Toffee" - December 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Toffee is a FANTASTIC dog whom I had the pleasure of painting as a Christmas present for a friend of a friend in Osaka, Japan!

I absolutely LOVED painting this little guy!

Tyler Painting

2010-12-27T11:00:00.005-05:00

"Tyler" - December 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Tyler was a wonderful dog who passed away just before Christmas this year. Nobody wants something like that to happen, so we made sure she'd be home for Christmas...if only through this portrait.

Home for Christmas.

Domino Painting

2010-11-21T20:00:00.010-05:00

"Domino" - November 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Domino is a beautiful cat I recently had the honor of painting a portrait of.

Domino is an adopted cat who is FIV positive and lives a wonderful and full life with other FIV positive cats.

Adopt without discrimination.

Remorse

2010-10-12T20:00:00.017-04:00

"Remorse" - 2006
11" x 14" Sketch Paper
Graphite Pencil & Conté Crayon

Remorse was the first piece I created after I lost my entire portfolio.

With Remorse, I decided to just let go and not be so meticulous about each and every little detail.

The emotions which plagued my mind for this piece were locked in a woman standing at her own reflection in front of her bathroom mirror, contemplating the misfortunes of her life.

Tyler Painting

2010-09-03T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Tyler" - August 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Tyler was painted in memory of a beautiful soul who is responsible for thousands of others being rescued year after year.

Just one dog.

Vodou Child

2010-09-01T13:30:00.005-04:00

"The First Child" - September 2010
12" x 16" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Acrylic and Marker

I have started a new series of Mixed Media Paintings titled "Vodou Child".

Born out of my quest to figure out Religion, Spirituality and what my Beliefs are, these paintings feature a written Blessing and drawn Spirit to watch over those around them.

Longing Branches

2010-08-31T20:00:00.002-04:00

"Longing Branches" - August 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Acrylic

Longing Branches is the first in a new series of paintings I have titled The Excessive Loneliness in the Sexuality of Trees.

This series of paintings was inspired by the Tree Paintings of Artist Stefan Duncan.

Chip Painting

2010-07-27T20:00:00.006-04:00

"Chip" - June 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Chip is a portrait of an incredible dog who was adopted by a friend who really loves animals.

This portrait was given to her as a Birthday present.

Oreo Painting

2010-06-21T20:00:00.006-04:00

"Oreo" - June 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Oreo is painted in memoriam of a beautiful dog nobody met.

Oreo's is a tale of tragedy Shakespeare himself couldn't have written better. Beaten for hours by her owner then thrown from a rooftop six stories down to the streets, Oreo was "rescued" by the ASPCA and treated for her injuries - broken ribs, broken legs, open wounds...the list goes on and on. A few months later, Oreo was dead.

The ASPCA is said to have raised some $6,000,000.00 for Oreo through donations from people who heard about her story. Oreo made a full medical recovery, and only a few months later the ASPCA killed her. Pulled for evaluation while still healing (physically, as well as emotionally) from being beaten for hours and then thrown six stories down into the road, Oreo's temperament evaluator stated that she was too aggressive and not fit for adoption - a death sentence by ASPCA standards.

Having learned of Oreo's story and her impending death at the hands of her "saviors", Pets Alive stepped in and stated that they would be more than happy to take in Oreo and all of the expenses and responsibilities that come with her. Pets Alive is highly experienced with bully breeds AND at handling animals which are in need of extra delicate attention and care. Basically, Oreo fit what Pets Alive does on a regular basis to a "T". Oreo was killed by the ASPCA the next day.

There has been a TON of politics, emotions, beliefs and even a law is trying to be passed in New York surrounding the events of Oreo's death. Bridges have been burnt, some have just been damaged, others have even formed through political bonds or similar beliefs on what Oreo has grown to represent... Hell, I even painted a portrait of the poor creature during these events... The dog that nobody ever met... Another face in the sea of needless death that is the kill shelter system...

She was just another dog, that didn't need to die, who nobody saved.

Delilah Jo Bear Painting

2010-06-08T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Delilah Jo Bear" - May 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Delilah Jo Bear was commissioned by a great friend who has been really supportive of both my artwork and of Pets Alive.

Delilah was only a part of this world for a short period of time, but in that time she was loved greatly.

Find peace.

Jasper Painting

2010-06-05T20:00:00.003-04:00

"Jasper" - June 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Jasper is a portrait of a beautiful dog that just loves his human! I was absolutely thrilled at the opportunity to paint him for her!

If you follow Pets Alive's tweets, you have definitely seen a few about Jasper thrown in there as well! She just loves her "Little Man"!

Sketch-Painting Pet Portraits Progress

2010-05-27T09:45:00.002-04:00

Things seem to be off to a pretty good start with the Sketch-Painting Pet Portraits.

The first painting, Elmer, is hanging on my girlfriend's wall.

The second, Delilah Jo Bear, is photographed and just waiting on shipping supplies.

I've started on the third, Jasper, and it already has a good amount of paint on it. I should be able to do just do some highlights and some O.C.D. touch-ups here and there and it should be good to go!

And today I posted on twitter that the first person who replied to me with #catportrait would get 50% off of their cat's portrait! AND I got a RESPONSE to it! So that ROCKS! I'm VERY excited about this! I really wanted to try out a cat portrait so that the cat people could see what that would look like as well, and here we go!

I was actually thinking about posting for the contest last night, but was really nervous about it. I mean, what if there was NO response AT ALL?! That's just embarrassing right there! But within a few minutes, there it was! This is a great day!

Left to the Past

2010-05-04T10:00:00.010-04:00

I wonder lately if we were better off when The Church ruled over us. I'm by far no fan of Organized Religion. All I see in Religion is corrupt use of power, stories told to people by people claiming they know of a Higher Spirit or Power. As people, we never as a whole look to influence others for a truly noble and just purpose. Never trust the Storytellers. Blind faith corrupts. We allow others to control us, tell us what to think, believe, do and purchase...and then we die.

Now, instead of The Church, the Governments, Economy, Businesses and Technology are the Powers we worship. We pay homage everyday to screens of light. We overpay for diet and organic products all the while getting fatter on cheap fast foods we love, injected with whatever was marketed enough. Why do I need extra Vitamin C and Calcium in every product I eat? Don't I eat too much already? We are excess.

It's just a blanket. Vacuuming everyday is just passing time until death. I don't need a closet organizer - I don't need the things in my closet. Throw it away.

I work so that I can purchase. I purchase because our new Gods tell us to. I worry about the pointless items I have so I purchase things to protect them. But I am poor and disgusting if the things I've purchased to protect my pointless trash are worn and dirty, so I protect them.

We are nonfunctional. Most people in this world are not needed. Most aren't even wanted. We make room by killing others. Not our own, that would be wrong. We are excess, but we are us, so others must pay.

I wonder if all of this, The Church, The Government, The Economy and Technology and Products all exist just to pacify us, to keep "order" so most never realize it is all pointless. We're organisms living on a small, metal rock, winging around in dark space - even our minds trick us into thinking we actually see. Bends of light and reflection... We see nothing.

At least when we were slaves to The Church, it was one Master we obeyed. Now we obey many, and most never even realize it. Those who do, are left feeling helpless / hopeless. If you crawl into seclusion, you're dead already. Government, Economy, Technology... These are the new hands of God. There is no escape. We are dead already.

Life is a Delusion.

New Etsy Shop

2010-04-30T14:30:00.003-04:00

Over the past few days, I've been setting up a Zen Cart for my website to make the process of taking orders easier. I needed to install the software on my website, of course, upgrade my PayPal account, sign up for some services on the USPS website for shipping and go through, configure the HELL out of Zen Cart and also setup the actual items to be sold and their properties. All in all, it really wasn't a bad experience doing all of this. I'm till not sure if my actual servers were setup with the actual permissions needed for the PayPal and USPS services to run properly.

All of this installing and configuring and setup done on my own website, using up my bandwidth, and I'm still stuck with a template from Zen Cart that does not NEARLY match my website AND I'm doing all the marketing myself! Then I remembered, Etsy! I've seen some people online promoting their Etsy shops and selling things on there, so I figured I'd check it out! Ok, so it's like $0.20 per item for a 4 month listing. Not horrible. And they take a 3.5% sales fee. Still, it's a site that people already go to in the first place? Compared to trying to draw the traffic to MY website? I'll pay the 3.5% commission, thank you.

Setting it up was pretty easy. I did it over night and even added my first item this morning! And, I'm not left wondering whether or not I've setup my server correctly, or if I got all the code adjusted properly, or anything like that. I don't have to worry about what switch I forgot to switch on or off or from test to whatever... It's all done. And it feels pretty damned cool if you ask me!

Next Steps

2010-04-27T10:00:00.000-04:00

I took another step this morning on commissioned paintings and setup a Preliminary Commissions page on the website. I'm kinda nervous about it, pretty exciting though! I still need to figure out pricing and shipping & handling prices. Estimating timeframes is on my list as well. I guess I'll be using PayPal for payment method.

I'm also still in thought on my Streaming Art project. I took a look at the 5" x 7" canvases yesterday and WOW they're small! With the style of painting I had in mind for them, each would be done in like 2 seconds! Maybe that's a good thing. I could always do multiple paintings per show. Would probably cut down on costs per painting as well. I didn't like that the canvas wasn't Gallery Wrapped at that size. I had in mind to use the hook and wire method of readying them for hanging and that just didn't look like a pretty idea on the back of these little canvases. So, I'm still trying to figure out the Free Painting Giveaway part of the project, but, I think I may just get in front of that WebCam in the meanwhile and do some painting on there anyways!

Elmer Painting / Commissions

2010-04-26T11:30:00.016-04:00

"Elmer" - April 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

My girlfriend and I have just celebrated our One Year Anniversary!

Without her, or anybody else, having any idea, I recently completed a painting of her dog, Elmer (Elmer passed away some months back and she is GREATLY remembered and missed). This past weekend I gave Toni the painting for our Anniversary. She absolutely LOVED it! I was so happy she loved the painting so much. It's now hung up and everything.

It has been an all over great experience painting this piece. I'm really happy with how every step of it went.

Of course I took some pictures of "Elmer" and I posted them online and texted them to friends and family. The feedback I've been getting is just AMAZING! Everybody seems to love it.

It really is great hearing such positive feedback about this painting, especially with how important it is and also with how nervous I always am about my artwork. I never know what's working, what's not working, what parts people really are drawn towards, or what they really just don't care for...and honestly, for the most part, I basically figure people mostly take the position of "Oh, that's nice. (Wouldn't want it, but look at what you're so proud of.)" What I'm hearing from friends, family, and even other Artists, really feels like genuine interest and congratulations on this piece. It's a pretty nice feeling. AND, some people have even asked about commissioning me to do a portrait of THEIR pet for them! How cool is THAT!?! I can't WAIT to get started on those! Of course I'm VERY nervous about it, but also SO excited!

It's definitely going to be a journey starting out on these commissions. It's also definitely one that NEEDS TO be done. I plan on taking a slow start, working mostly with people I know would be forgiving of any stumbles and hiccups along the way. And there are a TON of things that can go wrong on any one commission - the image the Client has in mind versus what the Artist understands is desired, pricing, timeframe, shipping, payment...anything could go wrong. But knowing that somebody actually wants ME to paint something for THEM...that's just an incredible feeling. So I'm looking forward to it!

Elmer Painting

2010-04-23T20:00:00.002-04:00

"Elmer" - April 2010
11" x 14" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Black & White Acrylic

Elmer is the first of a series of Sketch-Painting Pet Portraits by Artist Anthony Trott.

Painted only a few months after the passing of his girlfriend's dog (of whom is the subject of the portrait), Anthony presented this painting to her in hopes it would help to ease her pain over the loss of her Elmer and maybe someday provide her with some level of peace and closure.

Since then, Anthony has started painting his style of Pet Portraits for others, either in memoriam or in honor of a loved animal.

Anthony's thought on the Pet Portraits is "Anyone can take a picture and keep it and look at it, but there is something uniquely special that comes with a portrait created by hand of that someone so special. A part of their spirit is captured within it...and lives on forever with you."

Anthony's "Sketch-Painting Pet Portraits", as well as many of his other works, can be found at: http://anthonytrott.com/

Streaming Art Progress

2010-04-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

So I've thought up a few things to do with my artwork. One of them is to Stream LIVE Video of me painting some, to begin with, smaller pieces (5" x 7") and later give them away through twitter. Already there has been some interest and questions as to how I will let people know when these events happen. WOOHOO! That's awesome, people! Pretty cool knowing that at least a few people are interested in this.

I've always been curious about starting up a Newsletter for my artwork, but never really had a thought on what I would actually regularly send out to whatever amount of people who would actually sign up for it. Well, here's a good start! People are asking how they can be sure to hear about when my Streaming Art events are happening, so I think it's a good time to setup a Newsletter!

So now I've setup a Ustream.tv account for the Live Video feeds. I've also setup a MailChimp account for the Newsletter.

Before I can get started on the Newsletter, I need to finished up with setting up my P.O. Box at the Post Office so I have an address to put down at the bottom of the Newsletter. That's all purchased. I just need to get over to the Post Office (BEFORE THEY CLOSE) and turn in my form and I.D.'s and the P.O. Box is mine for at least the next six months! Hopefully I'll get that done today.

I also need to go out and get some more canvases, brushes, etc. and a new WebCam for this stuff.

For now I'm very excited and curious about how things will go - Also already starting to get a bit nervous and reclusive as well...

I'll keep everyone posted!

Purchasing Artwork

2010-04-18T19:00:00.002-04:00

When purchasing a Painting/Print/Sculpture/etc., you're purchasing something that compliments the room, maybe completes it. You want to find something the right size, color, style...something that says "This room just needed this."

When purchasing Artwork, you're truly purchasing a piece of the Artist. Something about the Artist captures you, needles at you to say "I must have this creation." Maybe it's the Artist's style, maybe you witnessed the creation of a particular piece and wish a keepsake of that moment in time, maybe there's an emotion provoked and you just have to have it. Sometimes you quite literally purchase a piece of the Artist in one of his works - the blood, sweat, tears that went into it.

Decorations compliment. Art captures.

5" x 7" Acrylic Painting Giveaways

2010-04-18T08:00:00.004-04:00

Very soon I will give away some 5" x 7" Acrylic Paintings on twitter!

I'm not sure if maybe I'll hold a contest for them, or just first to respond gets a painting or what, but I'll figure all that out soon - and I'm sure it will change and evolve as it goes.

For a while I've also been thinking about painting live on Ustream. Maybe these 5" x 7" Acrylic Paintings would be a good start for that! I think it would help build some interest in the paintings - Art is always a bit more interesting when it's more than just a picture.

So this week I'm going to purchase a bunch more canvases AND I'll pick up some 5" x 7" canvases for this little experiment as well!

There's already been some interest in it all so I am VERY excited about doing this!

It should be A LOT of fun! This will definitely help keep me in practice, and motivated, AND it will help give me some experience with packing and shipping my paintings and all that!

Sick Today

2010-04-14T15:00:00.003-04:00

So, I was up all night last night with a CONSTANT cough - the kind where you just risk choking to death on a cough drop just to get a few minutes of sleep. Sinuses have been keeping that cough plenty of company as well.

I felt crappy enough at about 2:30 AM to email out of work today. I even actually did stay in bed pretty late today because of it (which never happens). And then by the afternoon I started feeling somewhat better - and determined to get a couple of my paintings mounted and at least one rephotographed.

I got two of my paintings read for hanging! Felt SO GREAT to actually get those hooks and wires on them! Two of my paintings are actually FINISHED finished! One's even hanging on the wall right now! And I was able to (after a MILLION tries) get my painting "The City" rephotographed so that it doesn't have this HUGE glare on the bottom right part of the photo! I'm VERY happy about all of that!

I THINK I'm even refining how to take the photos of my paintings so I can post them on fine art america for print orders. It's always been hell for me to try to photograph these things. There's always something - uneven lighting, a glare, too dark, not focused as much as I know it can be (that's my biggest one)...but I think I'm figuring it out more and more. I know I don't have the best camera in the world, but it can do a job well enough now and then.

I try not to think about just how many pieces I have to photograph because it can definitely feel overwhelming with the little bit of time I find to actually work on trying to get just the right shot for each of them. It can take hours, or maybe just a few minutes. It just depends. I always mentally lean on the "It's going to take HOURS just to HOPEFULLY get one photographed right...if I don't lose the sunlight" side. But I got one rephotographed today. So, it's a good day.

And now I'm feeling like hell again! So, I think it's time to put on another movie and get back in bed!

Regular Blogging and Painting

2010-04-12T18:30:00.000-04:00

So, I was reading some more today about Networking and Blogging and blah, blah, blah...And I know I blab CONSTANTLY on twitter and Facebook...But really, when it comes down to straight up blogging and writing out blogs and doing it REGULARLY...I just think "What the hell do I have to write about every day that's worth putting into a blog?"

I don't know.

I definitely need to put in more hours on actual blogging and definitely a LOT more hours into painting during the week.

I need to start sacrificing some weekends as well.

Things need to get done.

One Giant Picture

2010-03-29T12:00:00.001-04:00

I'm all fuzzy today. I love when I have this feeling - although, it's already later in the day and starting to fade.

Sometimes all the senses seem sharper the morning after drinking Absinthe, all the while I'm feeling and looking through this cloud of "Fuzzy". Such a great "burn-out" feeling.

This morning's thoughts were concentrated some more on things like gravity, space, the cycles that surround us and make up our lives, death, life, madness, the hope that someday I'll go absolutely out of my mind and it will all puke out onto creative canvases that people drool over. It's hard to devote so much into just some idea that could turn out great or always be nothing but "at least it was created" when I'm not a very motivated person to begin with and unless it comes from an obsessive origin, I'm not a very dedicated person to trying to put something out there either...not to mention the fact that all I see is rotting and decay and nothing lasting and what's the point in putting so much effort into something if none of this really matters to begin with? And why do I have to work at some stupid job when I only have a few moments to live and they're just being wasted away most hours of the day just so I can have a TV and sit in front of a computer all evening? What is the point of going through the motions when existence doesn't matter? Maybe it's all a cycle and we go through this, or similar, over and over and over again - never realizing it's happened a thousand times by now, and will happen thousands of times again.

I've always been drawn towards the Artists that were consumed in their own madness and put out these incredible and chaotic works. I've always thought it would be incredibly great to go mad/crazy and just puke it all out for people to claw after. But in the meantime, and maybe this is all there will ever be, I can at least do my own thing and allow/encourage the madness that's already there.

It's a great feeling to see the starting points in my life to have the ability to just allow myself to be free to go insane. In this society, in order to do it safely, more has to be in place than you'd think. There needs to be that stable job that doesn't ask too much of you but enough to sustain your lifestyle. I have a girlfriend that is extremely supportive of me and my mind and my abilities and doesn't judge or harshly criticize or demean me in cruel ways and I am so very comfortable with her. I think some realizing what spirals are being taken and what needs to be kept out of those spirals is very important for today's world - of course, once you're out there enough and if you've got that X-Factor that people so drool over and they're throwing money at you for a piece of your madness, then there's more liberties a person can take with the spirals.

I want to get there.

New Direction

2010-03-15T10:00:00.001-04:00

I have finally started painting some more again. I absolutely LOVE the new/further direction my paintings are headed!

I have posted a few pics of a couple of the new paintings on twitpic.

At some point I'm going to ready a bunch of my artwork to be mounted on walls and put a few of them up for sale.

Some of the pieces I plan to include for sale are:

Shelter
The City
Cam
Stripes #2
Let Go

Maybe some day I will get up the nerve to drop of my "Series to Nowhere" pastels to have them framed and put those up for sale as well.

I'm getting more confident that I can figure out how to pack these pieces for shipping, so that's good.

It's all kind of scary really.

Mental Images

2010-03-14T22:30:00.037-04:00

"Let Go" - March 2010
12" x 16" Gallery Wrapped Canvas
Acrylic and Marker

Art can be found in happiness. Art can be found in worlds of fantasy. Art can be found in a child at a circus laughing at a clown...Art can be found in hope…Art can be found in despair.

What about despair? What about fear? Regret? Suffering? Is there a God? Does any of this matter? What if it all just bled away? Is every moment of life perfect? Or do we sometimes feel pain?

Sometimes we hurt. Sometimes wishes go unfulfilled. Sometimes something interrupts our happy little lives and says "This is your life now!" Sometimes we wonder "How could there be a God?" Or better still "Does it matter?"

Take a trip inside the mind of Anthony Trott through his artwork and realize...

You are not alone...

shrug

2010-01-22T15:30:00.004-05:00

Yeah, I haven't really had much to say on here for the past while.

Life's been pretty damn good lately.

LOVE my girlfriend and her pets.

Love my frog and two kittens.

Little by little, money's getting a bit better again (thank GOD I got rid of THAT "cancer").

Life's been pretty fuckin' good.

Art Thoughts

2009-11-12T10:49:00.006-05:00

If I put down what was really in my head...my artwork would get a lot more attention...

...Not a bad idea actually.

I don't put as much time into art as my mind likes the idea of. Maybe someday. Right now I'm just trying to get by in life.

Over the past year I've been working on a series called "Inspire". And I have recently begun a series I call "Pets Alive Abstracts".

OH! and I FINALLY finished my "Series to Nowhere"! THAT'S been a long time in the making!

I have an "Ignorant Art" mixed media series in my head I'm starting as well...Should be interesting.

Pets Alive Abstracts

2009-08-31T18:30:00.001-04:00

I have officially started a new series of paintings titled "Pets Alive Abstracts"!

This will be a series of 12in x 16in Abstract Acrylic Paintings of some of the animals at Pets Alive.

I have started off this series with an abstract of Pets Alive's Cam.

Some of the Pets Alive animals I have in mind for this are:

Cam, Bindi, Gracie, Houma and Scrappy. I will likely include Amanda in this series as well.

100% of all Artist Proceeds from this series will ALWAYS go to Pets Alive.

I will also make the originals available for purchase, again, with all Artist Proceeds (minus costs - materials, shipping, etc.) going directly to Pets Alive.

We Support Pets Alive - In Memory of Egypt

2009-08-13T09:30:00.005-04:00

I'm pretty excited about this.

I'm always trying to think up a new way to help support Pets Alive.

This morning, another way came to me!

For as little as a confirmed $10.00 donation to Pets Alive, I will put a *permanent link to your website/blog/social network identity on the In Memory of Egypt page!

Just make a $10.00 (or more) donation to Pets Alive, include a note that it's for In Memory of Egypt and the link you wish to have posted, and once I am notified I'll set it up!

It's that simple!

For everything they already do for Pets Alive, I have posted links to Sidewalk Angels Foundation and OneMeaning on the In Memory of Egypt page.

*Permanent Link valid through the life of The Home Zoo's website.
**ALL LINKS MUST BE FAMILY-FRIENDLY!
***No co-ownership or rights or anything implied for anything or anyone.
****I am conducting this promotion on my own. I have no official association with Pets Alive.

Webs.com Support Chat Part II: Jason Returns

2009-07-16T18:33:00.000-04:00

Welcome to webs, for instant answers to all of your questions please visit our Knowledge Base by clicking here.

You are now chatting with 'Jason'.

Jason: Hello, how may I assist you?

Anthony: i can't seem to actually post in the Rants and Raves forums. i figured that would be the safest bet for where i could post.

Anthony: also, don't know if it's on my end or not, but i was not able to get into the "submit a ticket" part of the support section so i had to try "chat"

Jason: Have you been blocked from posting into the forums?

Anthony: they never said that they blocked me

Anthony: just that further abuse (whatever the abuse was) would result in whatever

Jason: Did you have an abuse email?

Jason: Then you have been removed from the Forums

Jason: Further abuse would result in a refund and a removal of your webs account.

Anthony: "Dear Webs User, It has come to our attention that you have not been following the rules of the Open Forums within the Community section of Webs. Posting in the wrong section or posting to have other members visit your site outside of The Bragging Place is a violation. Any future violations will result in site suspension. Webs Abuse Department"

Anthony: i really would like to know what the abuse was as a paying client as apposed to the clients that join webs for free

Jason: Yes you have been removed from using the forums

Anthony: i would think there would be a different sort of warning first like a slap on the wrists

Jason: sorry..

Anthony: policy is policy

Jason: Is there anything else I can do for you today?

Anthony: i'd like to find out how i can be notified of what the abuse was

Anthony: that would be top

Jason: I am sorry... if you have been removed, you cannot be re-added

Jason: nor will our abuse team take the time to respond to you.

Anthony: if not then i guess i'd like to know what the refund policy is and how i would i be able to keep all of my website files and formats

Jason: We would refund you for your sites and remove everything from our servers.

Anthony: it's only a couple hundred dollars but, it's more than the free users

Jason: You would need to find another provider all together.

Anthony: i understand that

Jason: Yes, you would no longer have access to any of our free accounts as well

Anthony: but with it being through site builder, would i need to switch to HTML and copy all my code?

Anthony: and then somehow download all my files?

Jason: no, you would need to start over at a different provider

Anthony: my content i'm speaking of

Anthony: the stuff that is under my copyright

Jason: yes you would need to create new content at a new provider

Anthony: no Jason

Jason: That is why we remove it from our servers.

Anthony: i'm speaking of things that i own

Jason: As I said, that is why we remove it from our servers...

Anthony: is there any method that webs makes it easier for me to have that stuff in my posetion

Anthony: possession

Jason: we are not a storage facility.., you are responsible for storing your own content

Anthony: and that's what i just stated

Anthony: not ONCE did i say ANYTHING about you all storing it

Anthony: did i?

Anthony: i was attempting to ask

Jason: As I said, we will remove your account and provide you with a refund

Anthony: is there an easy method for me to get my stuff off of your servers

Anthony: i wish you would stop and listen a moment

Jason: no, you will need to rebuild your content somewhere lse

Jason: else

Anthony: you're not listening so next subject

Anthony: how much of a refund?

Anthony: this is all being logged and recorded btw

Jason: I will process it and send it to the billing department

Anthony: i didn't ask that

Jason: absolutely

Anthony: i asked how much

Anthony: what is the percentage

Jason: whatever is pro-rated of what you have pre-paid

Anthony: like 10% off per month?

Jason: if you paid for a year, and there is 2 months left, that is what you would get credited

Anthony: ah ok

Anthony: didn't know if there would be like a huge chunk taken off the top or anything

Anthony: thanks Jason. i'll get back to you, i guess, when i figure out what i want to do.

Anthony: and i mean it. thank you for putting up with me.

Jason: I will send this through to billing.

Anthony: no

Anthony: i didn't ask for that

Jason: So you can find a new provider...

Anthony: i wanted to find out so i can be informed before i make a decision

Jason: We obviously cannot make you happy, you are not able to post in the forums

Anthony: i really hoped you would have handled this better Jason. you'll be hearing more at the next meeting.

Webs.com Support Chat

2009-07-16T17:27:00.001-04:00

Welcome to webs, for instant answers to all of your questions please visit our Knowledge Base by clicking here.

You are now chatting with 'Jason'.

Jason: Hello, how may I assist you?

Anthony: Every one of my support tickets is getting closed without a response.

Anthony: i understand i'm a bit ****y in them, but it's very frustrating

Anthony: i show much support for webs.com with all the struggles it has, then i have a few issues and they are not addressed, even with 3 accounts i put money into.

Anthony: oh and, hey Jason. :) hope the rest of your day has been going better than right now.

Jason: np

Jason: Let me take some time and help you out.

Jason: if you are pissy in your tickets, it is possible that our techs will not assist.

Anthony: i definitely understand that. i've been on that end plenty of times.

Anthony: but the first one, with unauthorized use of my email address, has been something i've tried to calmly have addressed about 4 times before.

Jason: Tell me what is going on, and I will help.

Anthony: then i get a notification today that i abused the forums somehow, with no explanation of how or where. and trying to submit the ticket, the support page glitches out and 2 get submitted and they both are already closed.

Anthony: well, to address the first issue: i have an issue with webs' policy of using MY email address to email people that comment or sign my website to ask them to join my website

Jason: Lets start with one issue and deal with it at a time.

Jason: That is a webs policy....

Anthony: let's try this out though:

Jason: We are not going to change a webs policy for a single user... sorry

Anthony: a pedafile signs some kid's website

Anthony: now he has her email address

Anthony: which is then traced back to her home

Jason: Regardless of your logic... this is a webs policy.

Anthony: but that's cool i understand if i'm the only paying customer complaining about it

Anthony: so, with that out of the way, and thank you for dealing with me on that one.

Jason: Have you added that into our feedback form?

Anthony: where did i violate the forums?

Jason: We want feedback from our users.

Anthony: oh yeah, i've definitely written that email thing all over the place, the forum, to the twitter, the feedback form, the blog. all that.

Jason: You only need to enter it once... that is enough for us to register it

Jason: In regards to the Forums

Anthony: i guess i'm the only one with an issue on the email thing then. it surprises me

Anthony: yeah, that email was all: you abused the forums! don't do it again or we'll take further action!

Jason: You may not be the only one..

Jason: Ok..

Jason: lets deal with that.

Jason: 1. We are working very hard to implement positive changes to how we handle support at webs.

Jason: We now are offering 24/7 live chat for all Premium Users.

Jason: We are also wanting to work with all of our members so that we can build a forum community that is POSITIVE and helps all members grow

Jason: If we have members that are not wanting to make the forums a positive place to be, we will gladly provide you with a refund and recommend that you find a different provider that would like your style of feedback.

Anthony: but i do use a positive attitude AND informative attitude in the forums

Anthony: that's what has me upset

Anthony: nobody is telling me what i did wrong.

Anthony: because as far as i know, it's all productive that i do in there.

Jason: Well I do not have your Forum posts in front of me

Anthony: that's why i put in the ticket

Anthony: and PLEASE check this out real quick to see if i was an ass:

Anthony: "As somebody that tries very hard to adhere to the rules of the forums, expresses support of webs.com when it constantly crashes, and between ninbroken52, thehomezoo and boxheadandglove has spent over $200 on your services, i would appreciate being informed of exactly where my forums violation was. thank you"

Jason: however, if you are getting an abuse email, then I can say that is not what we are looking for

Anthony: but, i don't know where the abuse was.

Anthony: i keep my bragging in the bragging place

Anthony: i keep on topic

Anthony: and i don't reply with: i don't know, good question.

Jason: Well, lets start with webs constantly crashing...

Jason: If you have an issue, we want to know about it so that we can fix it.

Jason: We are not building a positive community if our members are all complaining about constant crashing, when that is not what happens.

Jason: If you have an issue, we want to hear about it. We have over 20,000 new customers each and everyday, so we definitely have some growing pains like any other company experiencing massive growth

Anthony: i'm just speaking from what i've seen. i consider once to twice a week of either not being able to get on my site or in my account constant.

Anthony: that's definitely true

Anthony: and i'm happy for the company

Jason: Why can you not get into your site.

Jason: What is the error?

Jason: What browser are you using?

Anthony: i just feel like today and with the email it's pointing a nasty finger at me when all i'm trying to do is have some websites

Jason: What version?

Anthony: i've used everything from IE to firefox. these were issues that were addressed by webs.

Anthony: from IE7 and 8 to FF3 to 3.5

Jason: Well we have not had any issues like that in the last 2 months

Jason: so what did we fix for you?

Anthony: that's what i'm saying

Anthony: whenever i bring up an issue

Jason: In June we had an outage related to HD issues

Anthony: it just fades away

Jason: no, I want to know about your issue, an error code

Jason: I work on FACTS...

Anthony: yeah that one stung. but it was nice that you guys were twittering about it and i felt a lot better about the issue and became interested in it

Jason: that is what we can fix... not just blanket statements

Jason: that was the first major issue in 6 years

Jason: I would consider that pretty good...

Anthony: i haven't had any error codes when it just says cannot connect to website, server connection timed out

Anthony: oh i thought that it was awesome

Anthony: i'm not being sarcastic or anything.

Jason: Have you run a traceroute from your machine to the server?

Anthony: i enjoyed the tweeting about it and was genuinely interested and wasn't worried about when the site came back up

Anthony: i feel like all of this is diverting from the issue i put in today's support ticket for: where was my abuse in the forums

Jason: No, our forum moderators obviously do not want you to participate in the forums as they do not feel that it is positive for the community

Anthony: which is fine. i just won't use the forums anymore because i don't want to continue to get emails about abuse then i get obnoxiously worked up like the people i couldn't stand when i did helpdesk

Anthony: i just wish i knew what i did wrong.

Jason: So I will take the time to provide one on one support to you to help solve the issues you have been having.

Jason: So, in regards to your not logging into the server...

Jason: have you done a traceroute from your machine to the server?

Jason: when you are getting the errors?

Anthony: i'm more concerned about the forums abuse

Jason: or just not able to connect?

Anthony: i understand the company has growing issues

Jason: Well... here is the frustrating part..

Jason: I would LIKE to help you...

Anthony: i just think it's messed up for the company to point the finger at a paying client when they're not perfect

Anthony: it would help if i knew what my abuse was

Jason: but if you want to just focus on the forums and complaining, then there is nothing I can do to help

Anthony: my complaint is that i don't have any evidence of my abuse

Jason: Our moderators obviously think what you posted was abuse, and that is what started this.

Anthony: i've posted over 200 times in the forums

Jason: Would you like some help with the connection issues you have had in the past?

Anthony: that's the problem lol

Anthony: no Jason. thank you.

Anthony: i hope the rest of the people you handle today aren't such a pain as i've been. i mean that.

Jason: ok, so next time you cannot connect to webs.. I would appreciate if you would not complain.... as I am wanting to teach you how you can troubleshoot the problem and fix it.

Anthony: i've done tech support up to data forensics.

Anthony: i'm fine over here.

Anthony: it's time for beer

Jason: Ok, then you should know that your connection issue is not a webs issue.

Jason: Perfect.. so the statement of webs being constantly down is not something that is backed up by FACT... just assumption.

Anthony: Jason. it's ok.

Jason: I want to help you find out if the issue is ours... so that we can fix something if we need to...

Anthony: no

Anthony: you want to put me in my place

Anthony: i'm just words on a screen

Anthony: i'm not your entire day

Jason: Not at all... we want to fix all of the issues over here..

Anthony: it will get better.

Anthony: have a nice evening

Just Read Life is Good

2009-07-07T20:52:00.000-04:00

Tonight I read Life is Good by Trixie Koontz, dog. It took me about an hour to finish it, including breaks.

I LOVE Trixie's writing style. I'm completely convinced she's really the one who wrote The Darkest Evening of the Year.

It was a very fun book; very easy to read.

And it made a lot of sense.

I highly recommend everyone pick up a copy and flip through it.

Started Reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty

2009-06-22T15:32:00.000-04:00

Started reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty (Sleeping Beauty) by A. N. Roquelaure, Anne Rice.

VERY intense!

BoxHead And Glove Site Launched!

2009-06-16T10:24:00.000-04:00

This was an idea that came about while bored working in a trophy shop with a friend years ago.

We actually took a karate figure shipment box and cut holes in it and that became BoxHead And a whole slew of teenage humor cartoon/comics/etc. came to mind.

One day we were opening some more boxes and this glove with gold pigment from trophy figures all over it just appeared out of nowhere.

Thus BoxHead And Glove were born!

Up until recently, the only thing to ever come of it was a set of silkscreened shirts for ourselves with the logo and some stuff on the back.

With how easy it is to create on the web, I've reborn BoxHead And Glove!

Check it out!

BoxHead And Glove
YEAH!

Jekyll & Hyde

2009-06-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

First: I love the bottles and the graphics and the read on the back of them.

I think it's a GREAT concept.

So, I took a chance and bought them. First twist of the cap and that was useless from then on. Both caps became non-functional right away. But hey, things happen. But it was a sign that it wasn't a high-end product.

Flat-out, it was god aweful. And I've drank some crap stuff before. The ONLY thing that salvaged it was some Red Bull. I do see on the website some mixed drinks for this and that DOES sound nice!

But for the most part, it tasted in such a way where I seriously wondered if something was going to happen to me if I drank too much of it, and not in a fun way either.

I DO love how the liquids seperate in the glass though! THAT was awesome!

So, it seems even from the website that this is even more of a mixed drink than the just the two bottles mixing together. And I must say that I am VERY curious to try some now.

But, what about Hyde being an Absinthe, and Jekyll being like a cherry Red Bull flavor? Or maybe that could be an entirely new drink all together called The Joker.

Having drank about 1/4 each bottle (WITH full cans of Red Bull each shot worth) I can definitely see this as a base for mixed drinks. I think I was looking for something more of a stand alone drink.

PLEASE put some money into the caps! PLEASE!

Website: Jekyll & Hyde

So! It was a BIG DAY today!

2009-06-03T15:30:00.002-04:00

I sold my FIRST TWO prints on fine art america!

Very Exciting!

First:

Congratulations to FAA member Anthony Trott who sold a 8.00" x 5.38" print of Angel earlier today!

Image Size: 8.00" x 5.38"
Print Material: Glossy Finish Canvas
Frame: None
Mat: None

Finish: Gallery Wrapped - 1.5" Stretcher Bars - Back Stapled - Mirrored Image Sides

Second:

Congratulations to FAA member Anthony Trott who sold a 8.00" x 5.25" print of Fan Coral earlier today!

Image Size: 8.00" x 5.25"
Print Material: Glossy Finish Canvas
Frame: None
Mat: None
Finish: Gallery Wrapped - 1.5" Stretcher Bars - Back Stapled - Mirrored Image Sides

Such an awesome feeling!

And, of course, the Artist Proceeds will be going to Pets Alive!

I love figuring out new ways to help out Pets Alive. And, it's an incredible feeling to put something out there and someone takes a look at it and says "I want that."

It's a happy day!

Vet Clinic for Pets Alive in Middletown, NY

2009-05-01T09:00:00.001-04:00

I am starting two different campaigns to help Pets Alive get an on-site Vet Clinic. I will run both campaigns until the clinic is built!

1. Through My Artwork:

100% of ALL Artist Proceeds will go DIRECTLY towards the construction of a Vet Clinic, until it is finished, for Pets Alive in Middletown, NY.

My Artwork

2. Donations Through Egypt's Story:

In Memory of Egypt

SPREAD THE WORD!!!!

thank you!

Anthony

Comedians

2009-04-20T13:00:00.000-04:00

Comedians are probably the only people in the world that consistently willingly and INSISTANTLY work longer than they're scheduled to.

How often have you heard some joke about a Comedian that needed to be pulled off stage because his act ran too long?

All the time!

Take ANY other profession in the WORLD... And more often than not, you'll find that the majority of people either show up a few minutes late, leave a few minutes early, or both!

So what is it about Comedians?

The dedication?

The spotlight?

The fame?

It's the MONEY!

That's right!

It's ALL about the MONEY!

They're not leavin' that stage until they get PAID dammit!

And that's final!

How I Came Across Pets Alive

2009-04-20T10:00:00.002-04:00

I was surfing the web, looking for rodeo abuse articles to link to, and I came across this article on SHARK:

After seeing videos of the 2007 Cheyenne Frontier Days Rodeo from SHowing Animals Respect and Kindness (SHARK), Rob Thomas and Matchbox 20 decided to withdraw from the line-up.

Cheyenne Frontier Days Headliner Withdraws! Matchbox Twenty Cites Rodeo Animal Abuse

Press Release Found on SHARK:

April 10, 2008
Regrettably, Matchbox Twenty will not be able to perform at Cheyenne Frontier Days on July 18th. After careful consideration it was decided that the participating in this event would directly contradict the mission statement of SIDEWALK ANGELS FOUNDATION, our non profit organization. The other members of Matchbox Twenty support this decision and while we understand that a great deal of effort went into the planning of this show, and apologize to any and all fans who purchased tickets to see us, we ask that they please understand that it would be impossible for us to put ourselves in the position of making money from what we believe to be the mistreatment of animals.
Sincerely,
Rob and Marisol Thomas and The Sidewalk Angels Foundation

How incredible is that?

Plenty of people just go about their business every day, not doing anything more than they need to in order to get by. Some people find it's good PR to "sponsor" or be founding members of a non-profit organization.

And then you have Rob and Marisol Thomas and Matchbox 20 actually going out there and doing incredible things with their non-profit organization, and standing ground with it. They could have easily still headlined that show, but they chose to stick with their beliefs and not play.

I thought that was just incredible. Here are people that don't need to think about anyone but themselves showing the entire world they really do care.

On that note, Bon Jovi and several others have been shown videos of rodeo abuse as well. The show went on.

So of course I checked out the Sidewalk Angels Foundation website.

From there, I found a link to Pets Alive, read about Rob and Marisol Thomas's experience there and passion for them, and just fell in love with the place.

Sidewalk Angels Foundation

"Established by Rob and Marisol Thomas, Sidewalk Angels Foundation is a New York-based non-profit organization that works hand-in-hand with charities in and around America's big cities. Life in the city can be so fast that those in need are often passed by. People who are destitute or homeless and get lost in the system; those who cannot afford proper medical care; animals that have been abandoned or abused -- these are universal problems that Sidewalk Angels encourages people to address locally."

Rob and Marisol Thomas also help support Pets Alive.

Pets Alive

"Pets Alive is a no-kill animal shelter, located in the foothills of the Catskill Mountains, about 1 1/2 hours from New York City. Our mission is to rescue, rehabilitate, and place animals in need. Victims of neglect, abuse, and violence, many of them have special needs and have been rejected by other organizations.
Animals at the sanctuary range from dogs and cats to farm animals, exotic birds, and many others. Many of the animals at Pets Alive are older, have special needs or require special care."

I think any organization that really helps the sick and the homeless (human or non-human) is just incredible.

But the heart and passion that go directly into Pets Alive is like none other. It's not like larger organizations where they mostly encourage you to donate your wallet to them, then spend it all on mass mail and advertising.

Pets Alive has actual NEEDS, and they're not evening gowns for events praising all the good they do. Have some new dog toys? An extra 100 foot garden hose? 3-lb paper trays? Paper towels? Know how to paint a fence or a barn maybe? Monetary donations are of course welcome as well, and it all goes towards these things in the first place.

Wait... I did what?

2009-04-17T10:30:00.000-04:00

So, over the last few days I've gotten some members on my site.

I have NO IDEA why a site needs members and all that stuff. Most I gather is that members are placed on a mailing list so I can SPAM them.

That, and I can set things so THEY can blog on MY website and whatever.

Besides having a list of people to SPAM, I don't really get it, not for just an average website. Maybe if I was a business and all that, but I'm not.

So, why all of a sudden are people signing up on my website?

Good question!

APPARENTLY I've SPAMMED them, "inviting" them to join my website!

Wait... I did what? When did I do that?

OH! APPARENTLY webs takes care of that FOR ME!

And I don't see ANYWHERE where I actually have a SAY in this matter!

So, I've opened a ticket with them about it because THAT'S some dick-move bullshit right there!

I can see having that feature, but it should be [OFF] by default!

Spend around $100 with webs to setup your website to be more official and professional and what you get in return is being made out to be some dickhead that SPAMS people after they were considerate enough to take the time to read your blog and comment on it.

Nice webs, real nice.

And of COURSE you're MORE THAN welcome to join my site. The more I think about it, the niftier I think it is to have a mailing list and the ABILITY to allow others to post content on my site.

It's just... I should be able to turn that feature on or off myself.

Now, they HAVE suggested that I could access "My Members" and prevent people from becoming members...

But that's kind of missing the point isn't it?

I mean, also, after sending someone an email to join my site, I'm going to reject their membership TO my site? Ok then...

I'm not saying that I don't WANT site members. I'm saying that I don't want webs to SPAM people, on my behalf, that have commented on my site.

There are certainly far worse things out there in the world.

I just see this as very rude.

Of Course...

2009-04-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

Of course I finally make a point of going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight and I can't sleep.

My mind is WIDE AWAKE.

I've made a LOT of mistakes in my life. I feel a LOT of guilt about a lot of things, some reasonable, some not.

I miss my dogs incredibly. I miss all the animals I've had.

My apartment complex is now allowing MY BUILDING to have SMALL dogs.

I had a HUGE loss a few years back. EVERYTHING I loved and cared about was taken from me. Hey, I wasn't the worst person in the world, but I don't blame her for leaving. We weren't that close, not for two people living together.

My heart's been pretty closed off to taking care of another animal since then. I have opened it some to caring for animals, but not of my own, though I do feel the void and wish to fill it. I keep thinking about the breeders D'Argo and Shere Khan came from and how I would love to go through them again for a Great Dane, but also I would love to rescue a Great Dane as well.

I'm not closed off to other dogs by far. You see, that part isn't about the new animals in my life. It's about denial of the ones that were in my life not being there anymore.

I gave up my first dog only a few months after I had her. She was part wolf, part husky, from my sister's dog, Apache. I'm strict about what my animals eat and the care for them. And my parents, especially my mom, do as they please. And I find that EXTREMELY disrespectful. Living with them at the time, I was fairly young, between knowing that they would contribute to making her unhealthy, and my mom convincing me that it was best not to have her, I gave her to someone that she worked with that had a dog already that was part wolf.

It was a bit hard, but I knew it was the right thing to do? She went with him just fine, I watched through the window, until they got to his truck and she just struggled and didn't want to go in. We spent every moment together for that short time we had together. I wanted to run outside and take her back, but I did nothing. I hated seeing her struggling not to get in that truck.

I've got a TON of other guilt about my animals in me, everything from feeling guilty about their deaths, to feeling like I didn't do the right things for them, to realizing some were better off without me.

So my apartment complex is allowing small dogs in this building, which is wonderful. It's just a little bit of something that makes it feel a little bit more like an actual home, even if I'm not in a position to have a dog of my own right now. It still feels nice knowing that I don't HAVE TO buy a house in order to have a dog. I'm not much on small dogs, but it's something.

I've been thinking about him more and more. I'm definitely thinking about him a TON tonight. It's so weird too. I mean, I'm still building up the scars over my heart and all that when it comes to animals. I've only seen him in person really once, but there is just something about this dog Houma over at Pets Alive. He's got the most INCREDIBLE scar all down his back, and all I see is beauty.

So of course I'm transferring money over to my PayPal account and I want to help sponsor him (He's been going through SO MUCH lately). I know the money's not much, but at least it's a little bit more than they had before.

Then I started thinking, "Oh my god! With everything that's been going on with him, so many people are finding out about his story. There's no way he's going to be there for very long once everything's going smooth." And that's good, good for him, upsetting as hell for me right now. Now being able to have a "SMALL" dog? isn't good enough. Because I know the dog I want. And I STILL can't have him.

Dean Koontz basically said, when you get a dog, it's the most pure form of selflessness there is. The most pure love, all that. You take in a dog, open up your home and your heart to it KNOWING, in most cases, that it will die long before you do.

I guess I'm still waiting for that time when I actually get to that point. I had Egypt for under a year. She had to be put to sleep. She spent the rest of her life with me. And I always feel her inside of me. My three boys and even my girl from years ago, I miss them and love them, and wonder what ever happened with them and if they're still alive - D'Argo showed that he'd need hip surgery at some point in his life - but I still feel that in part, at times, they were mine at one point, but the reality of it is they turned into someone else's. Egypt was with me in the winter of her life, but with me until the very end.

I've lost more that I've opened my heart to than handfuls of people experience in their lives. Plenty of it was my own doing.

I'd just like to get it right some day.

I am trying to believe.

YOU can make the difference!

2009-04-14T08:50:00.000-04:00

Now, some of you may have seen me talking about this. This Sunday (04/19/09) @ 7:00PM, Middletown's own Manhattan Comedy Club is hosting a night of comedy to benefit Pets Alive!

And MANY of you have seen me talk about how wonderful a place Pets Alive is. They do the best they can for dogs like little Houma that just have the most wonderful spirits, and other very special dogs like little Bindi. Bindi is just SO special! A very special companion.

These are the precious lives you will be helping by either attending this event - details found at Pets Alive - or, MORE IMPORTANTLY, FINDING ME A DATE to this event!

That's right! YOU can help the lives of these WONDERFUL (and special) creatures just by finding me a date for the show!

Qualifications:

1. MUST BE FEMALE!
2. MUST BE FEMALE!
3. MUST BE ATTRACTIVE!
4. MUST BE ALIVE!
5. SHOULD BE SINGLE!

For the pets.

Easter Eggs

2009-04-12T21:00:00.000-04:00

I have finally started leaving some of the "Inspire" paintings around town for people to take!

The ones I leave, I have fittingly decided to mark "Easter Egg" and give the location where I left it. You can click the painting to see an image of where it was dropped off.

Pets Alive Mural

2009-04-09T10:00:00.000-04:00

For the past month, on the weekends, I've been primering and painting the hallways and stairway of Pets Alive.

This weekend, I start (and likely finish) the actual mural that will be on the stairway wall.

Now, I'm just someone donating supplies and time to do this for them (I really love what they do and the kind of people they are), but damned if I haven't been a bit emotional this week about this coming weekend.

I'm sure if it all works out well enough (They love the base colors I picked out) that there would be plenty more painting projects for me to do. But... this is the first. And with this first, I've started painting more. I'm looking more into the art world as an actual possibility for at least SOME income. I've made a bigger commitment to my website (Something I've been putting off forever). And I'm really realizing that things can and do happen if you put the effort it takes into them.

It's funny... it seems that the people of Pets Alive often are just amazed at how generous people are with them. I mean, I guess I'm one of those people, one of those people out there that just genuinely loves the place. I don't feel nearly the same way about the ASPCA, or Defenders of Wildlife, or any other organization out there.

It's the people. It's their genuine love and dedication to these lives that so many others would, or even HAVE, turned their backs to. It's the real struggles they go through. And it's the personality of the place. I'd say you wouldn't find another bunch like the people of Pets Alive, but that would be false. You look at the same people in the mirror every day.

Pets Alive isn't just a no-kill shelter or non-profit organization.

Pets Alive is the people working and volunteering there, the animals living there, the people donating their time, effort, supplies, and money. It's everyone, including you and me, making a REAL difference (that you can actually SEE) in the lives of many beautiful creatures.

I think I actually just made this weekend a bit more emotional for me.

To Pets Alive,

Genuine people with a genuine cause.

Prints Now Available!

2009-03-23T09:00:00.000-04:00

High quality prints of the "Inspire" series are now available for purchase at fine art amercia!

Finished Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

2009-03-01T21:45:00.000-05:00

Finished reading The Darkest Evening of the Year.

By far the most emotionally intense book I have ever read in my life.

PETA IS the KKK of the Non-Human World

2009-02-10T22:00:00.000-05:00

KKKrazy Protest Outside Westminster

I think this is definitely appropriate.

It's just, I see it in a different way than PETA is trying to portray it.

PETA is the one being the KKK.

After all, PETA wants genocide of all Pit Bulls, for NO REAL REASON!

PETA is all about stirring up attention for themselves, NOT for animals.

You're fake PETA, and it's sad.

Once Again...

2009-02-10T20:00:00.000-05:00

leaves...

going by a house...

falling... once again...

wind blows...

there is an oder's kiss upon the air...

i have farted... once again...

Inspire Progress

2009-02-07T12:00:00.001-05:00

I will be concentrating, for a bit, more on a Mixed Media piece I have in my mind named "Passion".

I also have a pastel in my head, "Regret", to complete the series of four sunflower pastels.

I will work on more "Inspire" pieces as they come to me while working on these others.

Started Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

2009-01-11T15:31:00.000-05:00

Just started reading The Darkest Evening of the Year!

REALLY lookin' forward to this one!

Finished Reading Dragon Tears

2009-01-10T21:52:00.000-05:00

Just finished reading Dragon Tears! OMG!!!! SUCH A GOOD BOOK!

And the Afterword was freakin' great!

Because It's Art

2009-01-05T17:00:00.000-05:00

I would like to be more productive with my art,
Though I can't make art in production.

I create with pieces of my soul.
If I am down, then what I create is down.

That's why it's art,
And not just a gimmick or design.

Home for the Holidays? ... Lovely...

2009-01-02T19:00:00.000-05:00

Look, I didn't exactly grow up in the worst house around or anything. A lot of people would kill for the setup I grew up in.

But it had its moments.

And though I never took the yelling and beatings personally, it still hurt.

My dad has a ton of health issues, worked his ass off his whole life, and has basically been dying since I was a kid, not happily married. I could go on. So, like I said, I didn't take it personally.

With all that I've seen and hated, the parts I didn't want to be, whatever, I am still my father's son, and I do have tendencies of what I grew up in. But I want better, and am capable of it.

So anyways, what I'm building up to is this:

Thanksgiving

So, I went down to my parents' for Thanksgiving. I had no desire to be there, not after how perfect the last Thanksgiving was.

I turn out to be the first one that shows up. 4 1/2 hour drive and I'm still the usually the first out of the 3 of us to show up.

Eventually my dad comes down and sits on the couch. My mom puts a vegetable tray out on the table. And my dad just snaps "Are you gonna eat that or somethin'?" the excuse to snap this time was it being out in the middle of the coffee table and he was taking out his newspaper to read.

It wasn't huge. It certainly wasn't the worst. But I have had it with this crap. And I'm in the pissed off stage of things, realizing I basically just grew older in that house, wasn't raised. (Look, I know we all make choices and counseling, blah, blah, blah. So far, I bring up more insight in any of my sessions than any of the psychologists I've been to. I'll save the $200 thank you.) So I went OFF on him. I mean, I didn't let up or hold back one bit. It wasn't flying off the handle off. It was the persistence of having to say exactly what I intended to say to him in that moment and frame of mind, which mostly consisted of choice language and belittling him, all the while making my way out the door with the food I had brought and some mail that was there. Even passing by as I grabbed the mail, I took some more cutting verbal shots at him, and left.

The theme in my head was basically "Who the **** are you to treat someone this way? I'm sick and tired of it. And I'm sick and tired of being it myself."

So, eventually I come back to the house, the rest of Thanksgiving plays out. I felt extremely uncomfortable being at the house, let alone around my dad.

My family celebrates my birthday when we get together, because it's either right next to it or on the same day, depending on the year. My parents gave me an INCREDIBLE digital camera without even knowing how bad I wanted that exact camera. I mean, I wanted it BAD, the exact color (red) and everything. They also gave me a card "from the cats". The cats seem to give me a lot of cards and money. I like cats. The camera with the card, still in envelope, stayed on my coffee table until the day before leaving again for Christmas. I only touched the card then because I needed whatever money was in there to help with the tolls.

Christmas

Just before Christmas, I was finally able to go out and buy the majority of the gifts for everyone. One trip was to Best Buy where I came across a movie I had forgotten about and REALLY wanted to see, Resurrecting The Champ. What an incredible movie. And what an interesting time to bump into it and actually purchase it and watch it. I had to give it to my dad.

I wanted to write my dad a letter and give it to him; makes it even crazier that I bumped into that movie when I did.

So, I wrote to him what I wanted to say, the things that my family always said with money instead of just using their voice. And I added a bit more, realized from the movie. I typed it up on the computer, and then handwrote it with pen and paper, because handwriting is more significant than typing.

I placed it in the front of the book I got him for Christmas. Just writing it and knowing that I was giving it to him made me feel a bit better.

I think one of my biggest mind-plagues is thinking that my dad will never know how much I care about him.

So, it felt good at least writing what I wrote to him.

I got a bit nervous when I handed him his Christmas present. It felt awkward. I wasn't sure if he'd see the letter right away, if he'd read it right away, how he would react to it.

So, I gave him his present and I went and sat down. Right away he saw the letter and was reading it. It even looked like he withdrew from all that was going on around him to read it, concentrating on it. I checked out his face a couple times while he was reading it. I'm glad I wrote the letter.

Of course, in family tradition, nothing more was said about it.

I didn't expect anything more to be said though. And honestly I'm quite content that it was just left at that.

Just another piece of the puzzle in trying to find some inner peace.

Stirb Nicht Vor Mir (Don't Die Before I Do)

2008-12-19T16:30:00.001-05:00

I can't exactly blame it on the time of year, although I'm sure it's not helping things any.

I think about it every day. It's a struggle I live with.

If I hadn't failed before, I would again.

That thought seems to be in my head a lot lately. I think it sums things up pretty well. It's nothing to be fearful of, or upset about. It's just a fact. And I know this. I know I won't try to take my own life again because of what happened.

Last time, I climbed Mt. Everest. And in order to survive, I couldn't just sit there and take in the view. Effort was required in order for me to keep on living. I don't ever want to be there again.

The fact of the matter is I don't ever want to die. That's something else that plagues my mind, the fact that I will die some day.

I'm finding it ironic how much time I waste being bothered by this. In stories, a person that realizes this would be written to take in, and make the most of, every moment. Reality doesn't always work that way.

I want to live forever. I want that more than anything. I don't know what happens after we die. All I know is the life that exists here and now. And it's ending each second that passes by. There's nothing to be done about it.

The smoking doesn't help matters any. But it keeps me from being destructive. I mean, sure I've been pretty destructive in the time that I've smoked, but not like the times I didn't. Well, I guess that's not quite accurate, but internally it is.

I wish I could be with her again... or happy... either or... whichever...

I understand happiness is a state of mind, and life is what I make of it and all of that. But there are certain things I feel and long for, and I choose not to just ignore them or set them aside for the time being. I know there are things I want that aren't in my life near the way I want them right now.

Growing up, I always knew I didn't want to have to wait until the winter of my life before I could have and do and enjoy the things I've always wanted. And I know in theory I have plenty of time left to find these things. I just hope it happens.

I know in the meantime life is passing me by.

It's Getting Cold Outside

2008-11-19T13:00:00.001-05:00

All my life I've had animals. And all my life I've tried to help animals, whether it's taking something in that the cats got and trying to save it, or taking in an unwanted pet that someone turned in to a shelter or one of the pet stores I always went to.

I've always had some sort of help or net to rely on in my life. My parents have always been there for us financially. I got a couple of jobs through a relative. Sometimes a company would just take a chance on me. Even the hospital that saved my life flipped the bill for me.

Whatever the case may be, I know I've had more than my fair share of help in life.

I've always had an inner struggle with religion and god and all of that, but that's for another session. I bring this up because on October 22, 2008 I was ordained by the Universal Life Church as a Minister. It didn't require much. All a person needs to do is fill out a short form on their website at www.ulchq.com and they'll ordain you. It's not like I participate in church activities or anything. But it's something I believed in and felt compelled to do. It keeps in the front of my mind things that I really want to do with my life.

Someday, I would like to start an organization that helps provide temporary shelter for the homeless and/or abused women. It would be something to help get people off the streets or out of their current living situation, help them get jobs, and all of the things that really so many of us just take for granted. Eventually, I would like to add on a shelter for pets to this organization. All animals need shelter, human and non-human alike.

Some of us have earned where we are in life, good or bad. Some of us afforded it. Others are trying and need a helping hand, no different than that given to so many of us throughout our lives.

Currently, I am working on a painting that I HOPE to donate to an organization like the ASPCA to be auctioned off and all proceeds would go to that organization. I'm not even interested in recovering my costs. Hopefully it all goes well and I will be able to do this over and over again.

So, this is a bit of an insight to where my mind has been as of late.

Something else I am currently thinking about is setting up a second PayPal account and gathering up donations for the ASPCA.

This is a hairy subject. I truly hope that I am not becoming one of those people that others see at the front of a store and think "Oh jeez. I just want to go in, get my stuff and go. I don't want to be bothered with all this." because the people that I interact with are truly awesome. And I don't want to build that association with my presence.

I also wouldn't want it to feel like when someone's taking orders for their kid's school-drive thing. I wouldn't want people to feel pressure or obligated to do anything.

I'll be the first to admit that when stuff like this comes up, I'm like "Oh man... Let me just go about my day. I do my own thing." especially when there are SO MANY scams out there. I mean, look at that whole LillyAnn thing. There is a LOT of scum out in this world. It's sickening.

Maybe you're asking right now "Why not just donate directly to the ASPCA or some other organization?" No reason. Certainly go right ahead. And hell, organizations like the ASPCA and the WWF even give out really cool stuff when people donate.

I guess what's going on with me is that I REALLY want to do something with my life that helps those in need. I HATE crowds. I HATE going out. Contrary to how I am on twitter and Plurk, I HATE interacting with people in person. I don't have much money to help places monetarily. But I do have a voice. And I do have desire and passion for helping those which are in need. And hopefully I have the artistic skills to help as well.

I guess I'm wondering what everyone's opinion about this would be. Would you go for a "Donate" button from PayPal, or if there's something else out there that can be setup? Does it scream "SCAM" to you? Or is it maybe just not your thing? Am I getting too preachy?

What do you think?

Shock The Monkey

2008-11-12T09:30:00.001-05:00

We had been broken up for about a month, I believe.

It was a Saturday, midsummer 2006.

I hadn't heard from her at all. And something kept growing inside of me. It was getting harder and harder to go about day by day.

I had started taking NyQuil and Benadryl to ease the pain and stress. It wasn't doing much.

This Saturday, I just couldn't take it. It was overwhelming me.

I called her, over and over. We started talking, she was so cold. I needed her, and it didn't matter.

Before we started talking, I had gone over to the grocery store by me and purchased a fresh supply of NyQuil Gelcaps, Benadryl and Tylenol Simply Sleep. Something had to work. The cigarettes were no longer helping.

So we were talking on the phone, things were getting worse. I had Coal Chamber's cover of Shock The Monkey on repeat all day. I had taken a few NyQuil and some Benadryl. I think it was about four NyQuil and eight Benadryl. While we were still on the phone, everything getting worse I decided to take a few Tylenol Simply Sleep. Nothing happened. Nothing got numb. Nothing got better. So I took some more. And then more.

At some point, our conversation ended. Soon, music still playing, I started to feel some of the effects. It wasn't a numb tingly feeling. But things slowed down inside. I'm not sure that it was harder to focus. I'd say it was harder to snap out of focusing on one thing. I found myself staring at the speaker a lot, concentrating on still hearing the music, wondering if I was hearing any other sounds in my head.

I tried calling her back several times. A few times we did talk. I told her what I had done. She was so pissed at me. I told her I needed her to stay on the phone with me, that I needed her help to get through it and work it out of my system. She said that I needed to get off the phone, call 911, and basically that she wasn't going to let me manipulate her. That was her thing, making sure nobody manipulates her.

The more time that passed, the more I felt the pills, and the more scared I got. I tried calling her over and over. I texted her over and over, telling her how weird I felt and how scared I was, and that I needed her to call 911. She firmly stated that I should stop and call them myself. I couldn't and wouldn't. I needed, or wanted, her help.

I was dying.

Eventually, there was a hard, firm, steady knock on the door. There's only one thing that knock means, the police showed up. I walked down my steps, I was a second floor apartment with steps that led down to ground level, opened the door, and several police officers were there. I walked back up the steps, my legs shaking, barely able to function properly. I walked to my bedroom, that's where I spent all my time in my apartment, and the police followed.

Before they arrived, I had gotten scared enough and remembered another time I took a few sleeping pills, far less, and got scared. I went to the bathroom and forced myself to throw up over and over, it wasn't helping.

So, the police arrived, and I was even more scared. I didn't know what would happen. I didn't know if my stomach was soon to be pumped, if they would arrest me and once I was well be thrown in jail, or what.

They asked me, standing in my bedroom, deflated mattress, computer stand and chair, what had I done and how much did I take. I told them, very nervously, that I had taken double the recommended dose of the Tylenol Simply Sleep. The officer asked me if I had taken any other types of drugs. I stated clearly that I hadn't and the only thing I had ever done was some marijuana about ten years ago, and that was only a few times.

He flashed his flashlight through my eyes a few times. I knew he could see that my pupils weren't functioning properly and I just wanted this to be over.

I went to put my hands in my pockets at some point. One of the officers did NOT like that and made it known. I quickly put them back to my sides. I'm always more comfortable with my hands in my pockets. They checked me for anything that I could use to harm them or myself and all of that.

The other officers were of course searching my apartment during all of this. They found the bottle of Tylenol Simply Sleep, and said that it looked about half empty. I don't believe I really gave an answer to this. One of them soon found the receipt in the trash and noticed these items had been purchased only a few hours ago. They counted the remaining Tylenol. I had taken 68 of them.

Soon they took me out to the ambulance, the officer had a firm grip on my arm, and I was taken to the hospital.

Before leaving my bedroom, the officer looked at me and said not to lie to the doctors at the hospital like I had to the police, so that they could help me. I understood.

I get to the hospital, I don't remember getting changed into that gown they give you, but I was in and out of reality a lot.

I remember being out in the open, on the stretcher still, some people around me, a lady giving me a HORRIBLE drink of charcoal and whatever else was in it. I sipped it at first; I can't stand bad drinks, so I have to sip to prepare myself for what's coming. That was just as bad of an idea.

She really wanted me to use the bottle they had given me to urinate in, right out in the open, just my gown covering me. She said if I didn't soon, then they would have to catheterize me. I've had that done before and did NOT want to go through that again. So now there was added pressure to urinate, which didn't help.

I remember now and then her voice would say "drink." and then I would again, but not much. Over and over "drink." When she would say this, it would snap me out of what I didn't realize was happening. Eventually, she said "See, you got a taste for it now. If you had just drank it to begin with, you wouldn't have to keep on tasting it." I had two cups of the stuff to drink. I think she only made me drink half of the second one. Then she put something else up to my mouth to drink. This time, and I knew it was going to be bad because of this, she forced me to drink it, and quickly. It was god-awful whatever it was.

After that, I was wheeled over to get, I guess, an ultrasound on my chest. I was finally able to urinate on the way there. I'm on the stretcher, going by people in the waiting area, some people staring at me as I passed by.

I get into the room, finally out of that stretcher and onto a table where this girl was going to do the examination of my chest. She had this look on her face that could only be interpreted as "Oh dear god." I still don't know what the result of it was. I don't have a primary doctor or anything. I couldn't see the screen from my position, and I never asked. But I do remember the look on her face.

Eventually I was taken to a room, my own room in the hospital of course, because I was a suicide attempt. So, someone had to stay on watch for the night. We stayed up so late watching horror movies on the TV. I'm sure she just wanted me to go to sleep already. I had an IV in me as well, which freaked me out. When I went to the bathroom, I saw all of this black charcoal on my lips. I must have looked like a train wreck to those people in the waiting area.

The next day comes; I'm basically under 24 hour observation and all of that. Nurses change shifts, etc. This one girl comes in to keep watch over me, a similar look on her face to the one that did the ultrasound, but still a bit different meaning to it. It was almost like a "How could something like this happen" look, but not quite.

During this girl's shift, the ex came to visit. It felt like heaven to see her, and it felt like hell to see her in this setting. I didn't know what to expect. I don't really remember what happened or what was talked about, but soon it was time for me to be transferred to another hospital for suicide watch for a couple of days.

Before she came in, some horrible woman with a huge attitude came in, said I was lying about anything and everything and that I had to be put away in this hospital for weeks. I needed to get back to work so I could keep my apartment. She accused me of recently being at another hospital for the same thing. Sorry, but I hadn't even lived in New Jersey for that long lady. Some other guy eventually came in and talked to me. He was supposed to be one of those "Hey man, I care. I'm a mentor, blah blah blah" guys. He seemed self righteous to me.

He talked about how it wasn't really a choice for me and the alternative would be bad and all of that. He said that I wouldn't cooperate with them and that was why he was there. I told him I couldn't afford to go away for a few weeks or months, I had bills to pay. He said it was only for 72 hours. To that, I was like "Well, yeah. That's not a problem. I completely understand having to do that. That other stuff was bullshit that woman was saying to me."

Eventually the woman came back and said that she was wrong about the other hospital. Yeah, I know. She also had said that she didn't believe I made myself throw up and that my ex said that I lie about everything. She didn't apologize for those comments.

So, I go to the other hospital. I end up staying there, without medication, without seeing the doctor, without really anything for a week. The doctor even walked by me one time while I was watching TV and said "I don't know why you're here. It's not like I'm giving you any medications or anything." Well, he was the only one that could release me! Lazy, greedy bastard. You see, it wasn't exactly a free stay in that place, and they kept me longer than the 72 hours. It was about a week I was there. Not much longer, but it adds up.

There were other suicides there and drug addicts and people off the streets and all of that. Whatever. One dude had huge issues. After I was released, I came back to drop off a few packs of cigarettes that he usually smoked, instead of what we had there to smoke. I just dropped them off. I didn't go in to see him. It's not like we bonded or anything. I just wanted to let him know that someone sees him.

My ex came to visit me while I was there once, and we talked on the phone a couple of times. When she was there and we were talking with the counselor, well, it didn't go well. She was pissed that I dragged her in there to talk about all of this. After a bit, the counselor, who always had that same "Oh my god. How could this happen to someone." look on her face, told her that I begged them not to contact her because she would be so pissed about it, but she was obviously a connection to what I had done, so they needed her to come by.

Eventually the counselor left the room, and she started arguing with me and getting mad at me. Not that I don't get it, but just what someone that's on suicide watch needs, right? She soon left.

I don't remember if it was a phone call while I was there, or if it was after I got out, but we talked more, and she told me that honestly what I had done was probably needed in order for her to get past herself and see how she really felt about me. She made it clear that this was something that she would NOT tolerate and threats or attempts of doing it again would NOT work and I would be on my own. I completely don't blame her for that. That's how it should be. That's what's right.

We got back together. The medical bills started pouring in, and I had no insurance. I went to the first hospital for financial aid. Told them my work situation and all of that. They covered 100% of the hospital bill. I still had ambulance and doctor bills from that part, but I cannot even begin to tell you how it felt when she said they'd cover the hospital expense 100%. You have no idea how much that bill was. The other hospital covered 70% of what they charged me.

I'm still trying to pay down bills related to this.

I couldn't listen to this song for the longest time. Now and then I listen to it. Today I'm listening to it. The beginning notes of the song still shock me. They still put me back to exactly that moment. Later in the song, when things change up and get a bit slow or different, sends me right back as well.

I've listened to this song well over 300 times.

Some of the people at the hospital insist that I was trying to kill myself. The ex believes I was crying out for help and attention from her and telling her how much I needed her in my life.

I just know I couldn't let things stay as they were, and I needed a major change to happen.

We got back together. The relationship didn't change much. Some very major things happened during the relationship. We eventually broke up completely a few months ago.

One email said she hopes I come back to her one day, when we're both in a better place.

I don't know if that will happen or not.

But I do know she fills the holes.

Adventure!

2008-07-30T14:00:00.001-04:00

A few years ago, a coworker and I came up with a comic series that sounded GREAT! We never did anything more with it than make a few logos on the computer and a t-shirt.

Since then, he's moved on to other companies and I've moved to New Jersey. But I still always think about how great this comic could be.

I compare it in my head to the style of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. I read the graphic novel twice. It was brilliant!

Mentally, my comic runs on a few simple concepts, nothing extravagant, and I think it could be quite enjoyable to make and to read.

I've struggled like crazy on how to start it off, what medium to use, how to protect it and anything else that one's mind would wander off to with it.

So, I finally found something called DAZ Studio. It's a 3D figure posing and animation tool, and it's FREE! DAZ Productions offers a ton of models to use as well (pay for and free models) right there on the site. I figure this will help get me started as it's been since college when I last tried to make any 3D graphic designs.

I also downloaded Blender (also free) so I can try my hand at 3D modeling.

I'm very excited about both of these software packages! And, again, both were FREE!

As I create content, I will post it to this site for all to see.

Something to Do

2008-05-15T10:00:00.001-04:00

I moved from Maryland to New Jersey around the end of 2005 / start of 2006. I woke up this morning and realized I haven't done very much in the time I've spent here. I've seen Blue Man Group once in New York. I've been to a few New Jersey Devils games. And I've been down the Jersey Shore a bunch of times.

I'm not really one to go out on adventures or run to the crowds, but jeez, that's pretty bad.

So, I've been looking online today, because it's the slowest day in the history of slow work days, and I think I'm actually finding things to do that interest me!

I'm not quite sure what I feel like doing this weekend, but so far I've found Adventure Aquarium, and whale watching trips! I'm very excited about this! I hope I don't get lazy and just not do anything this weekend. And I hope that the whale watching trips aren't all booked up!

I'm sure there are a ton of things to do in New Jersey, and I'd like to start going out and doing them.

So that's what this summer will be.

Grocery Store Wars

2008-05-05T22:30:00.000-04:00

Yep...

The Road to Employment

2008-05-04T23:45:00.001-04:00

The Recruiters

What They Say:
I think you would be a great fit.

What They Mean:
I have no idea what this stuff means. But you obviously know more about it than I do. And I really want to make a commission off of this some time soon. So I'm going to go ahead and setup the next interview for you and hope that I get lucky.

What They Say:
They're reviewing your resume right now!

What They Mean:
They're not crazy about you. But I'm trying like hell to convince them, because I really want this commission and I've had no one else ask me about this position!

What They Say:
Please create an account to submit your resume to us.

What They Mean:
We want all of your information so we can store it in our system. This won't actually be used to evaluate you for any positions. Rather, it will be used to send you a bunch of crap that you have no desire for. And you won't realize that it was us that sent it to you, because by now it's likely that you've done this with several companies already. Though, we may send you a whole list of positions that have NOTHING at all to do with anything you are trying to apply for.

What They Say:
Help Desk.

What They Mean:
CALL CENTER!

What They Say:
Account Manager.

What They Mean:
SALES REP!

The Employers

What They Say:
Seeking a well rounded individual, comfortable in a fast paced environment and can handle strict deadlines. Some data entry and phone support required. Must be a team player!

What They Mean:
We need an Office Gopher. You'll be running around like crazy trying to correct everyone else's mistakes and get blamed for everything that goes wrong, as no one takes responsibility for their screw ups. No one else feels like filling out anything properly or answering the phones. So we're going to have you deal with that too. You'll be doing everyone else's work. This position should actually be filled by several people. But we just want one person to do it so that we can keep under budget, because the rest of us get paid a LOT more than what we're offering you. The budget we have planned out for this isn't enough to make the work of one person worth it to be here, let alone all the stuff we're going to have you do. But we're sure someone out there is desperate enough to apply.

What They Say:
Willing to train.

What They Mean:
Hey, we don't care if you mess up some. We're pretty sure you'll be able to figure it out enough so that no one else notices.

What They Say:
Contract to Perm.

What They Mean:
We're going to keep that little prize of having a permanent job with us dangling in front of you for a long time, until you give up on it. There's no way we're paying an agency the commission to hire you full time. There are hundreds of people out there that want this job. So, it's easy to replace you.

What They Say:
Must be able to work independently.

What They Mean:
Look, I'm tired of working. That's why I became a boss, so that others would do it for me. I want someone that thinks they're going to make a difference and get somewhere in life to do this stuff for me, without bothering me, so I can email and surf the web all day.

What They Say:
Tell me in your own words about what you did in your previous employment.

What They Mean:
Hey, I really haven't read over your resume and I don't feel like looking through it. It came to us, I saw a few things on there and I called you. I really don't know what else to ask you right now, so this will give me some time to think up a few things. Also, this is sort of a test to see if you'll put up with the crap that lies ahead for you in this position. And the longer this takes, the longer I can put off the other stuff I have to do that I really don't feel like doing.

Ode to a Dropped Piece of Donut

2008-05-04T20:00:00.002-04:00

Oh dropped piece of donut

Filled with sugary and powdery sweetness

You did slip away

Plopped in the sink

At the End of the Day

2008-05-04T10:00:00.000-04:00

We've all heard it before. And lately it's popping up everywhere we go.

"At the end of the day..."

I actually used to like this saying. It places importance on something, a finality.

It meant something. It was like saying, "Hey, nothing else in this world matters to me as much as the result of this." Or, "I realize that I have to be the one to do it, because at the end of the day, I'm all that I've got." And maybe nothing else is more important to that person than the result of a particular thing. And it's true, when it comes down to it, you are most important to yourself and nobody else. That's not a bad thing either. Realize that you are ultimately who you have in life.

But, oh man!

Now it's like, "At the end of the day, I either chew that stick of gum, or I don't."

"At the end of the day, we either make that sale or we don't."

"At the end of the day, I either liked my dinner or I didn't."

At the end of the day, "at the end of the day" is way overused.

It's a catchy saying. It makes things sound important. It places good emphasis on something. But, oh man, just because a person has discovered this new phrase, doesn't mean that they have anything in their life going on that they can use it with.

You wanna sound cool and important? Tell me you're giving me a million dollars and then hand it to me. At the end of the day, I might remember you.

The Dark Side

2008-05-04T09:15:00.000-04:00

We all have a basic understanding of what someone means by "Come to the Dark Side".

It's used a ton now in the workforce. Oh man. No pun intended. Sorry.

One implication is "Ooh, you just don't know. You think what you see around you is rough? You're in 'Light and Fluffy Land', come over to our department and see the grit and dirt of it all."

Look man, EVERY company has a group that thinks they're part of the "Dark Side". The problem is? It's every group too!

They see the light and fluffy world as you know it. And you see the light and fluffy world as they know it. But seriously? Let's face it, if it was that hard? You probably wouldn't have the job. Seriously.

Every department has gears that grind. Everyone's pushin' the same buttons. It's just a matter of what those buttons do in the end that's different.

"Come to the Dark Side"? No. I have work to do. Just because you've got it rough over there, doesn't mean that I'll be the least bit impressed, or think that you've got it any worse than me. I've got my own "Dark Side" to deal with and you are more than welcome to watch it as I walk back over to my department and take care of my own work.

LEEEEEEROY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-05-03T22:15:00.002-04:00

I've wondered. You've wondered. And now we know:

Wikipedia: Leeroy Jenkins

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

2008-05-03T17:30:00.002-04:00

LOL! Nice:

Surely a Day for All to Celebrate!

2008-05-03T17:00:00.000-04:00

I just found out today that Spam has reached its 30-Year Anniversary!

Spam reaches 30-year anniversary

I say we all celebrate by going to random forums and MMOs to post our websites and products repeatedly!

Lenovo X300 vs. MacBook Air in the envelope

2008-05-03T15:30:00.007-04:00

Nice:

smile

2008-05-03T15:00:00.001-04:00

I think the new site is coming together quite well! :)

I'm happy with it so far, and I know there's a ton more I want to add to it!

sigh

2008-05-03T14:15:00.000-04:00

I might also want to think about where the last restore point was before pressing RESTORE, as well.

grrrr

2008-05-03T14:00:00.000-04:00

Ok, from now on, when I've reached a certain point that I'm happy with on building / updating a website, I need to remember to press SAVE before moving on to another task.

ninbroken52 site published

2008-05-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

I'm actually excited about this new website I've created.

I have a couple others (The Home Zoo, Champions of the Hunt), but with this site, I've allowed myself the freedom of just publishing whatever I find interesting.

ANTHONY TROTT

R.I.P. Oreo?

So Lazy

I'm Getting Older

All Cats Love Andy Warhol

And If It Concerns None

Toffee Painting

Tyler Painting

Domino Painting

Remorse

Tyler Painting

Vodou Child

Longing Branches

Chip Painting

Oreo Painting

Delilah Jo Bear Painting

Jasper Painting

Sketch-Painting Pet Portraits Progress

Left to the Past

New Etsy Shop

Next Steps

Elmer Painting / Commissions

Elmer Painting

Streaming Art Progress

Purchasing Artwork

5" x 7" Acrylic Painting Giveaways

Sick Today

Regular Blogging and Painting

One Giant Picture

New Direction

Mental Images

*shrug*

Art Thoughts

Pets Alive Abstracts

We Support Pets Alive - In Memory of Egypt

Webs.com Support Chat Part II: Jason Returns

Webs.com Support Chat

Just Read Life is Good

Started Reading The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty

BoxHead And Glove Site Launched!

Jekyll & Hyde

So! It was a BIG DAY today!

Vet Clinic for Pets Alive in Middletown, NY

Comedians

How I Came Across Pets Alive

Wait... I did what?

Of Course...

YOU can make the difference!

Easter Eggs

Pets Alive Mural

Prints Now Available!

Finished Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

PETA IS the KKK of the Non-Human World

Once Again...

Inspire Progress

Started Reading The Darkest Evening of the Year

Finished Reading Dragon Tears

Because It's Art

Home for the Holidays? ... Lovely...

Stirb Nicht Vor Mir (Don't Die Before I Do)

It's Getting Cold Outside

Shock The Monkey

Adventure!

Something to Do

Grocery Store Wars

The Road to Employment

Ode to a Dropped Piece of Donut

At the End of the Day

The Dark Side

LEEEEEEROY JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An Engineer's Guide to Cats

Surely a Day for All to Celebrate!

Lenovo X300 vs. MacBook Air in the envelope

*smile*

*sigh*

grrrr

ninbroken52 site published

shrug

smile

sigh